Never Too Late
by kelsiiee
Summary: "And then he punches me. Right in the stomach. Just like Aaron. And I crumble to my knees, unable to breathe. And I am laying there, and then the world seems to crumble around me. I hear snickers from the rest of the initiates, but I cannot get up. I cannot will myself to get up, knowing that I would just be hurt again."
1. A New Beginning

Chapter One

"Happy Choosing Day!" These words are muttered in sarcasm every year among the factionless, but this time, I cannot bring myself to smile and laugh along with them. We all sit around the fire, and I glance at Evelyn, who gives me a slight nod. I breathe in, almost choking on the air. I cannot go to Dauntless. I am not cut out for that. How does anyone survive that initiation? And then I remember—some don't. I swallow hard, willing the tears away.

Evelyn stands and motions for me to follow. My hands begin to shake, and I get up to follow. We only go a little ways away from the fire, but it is far enough away for no one to hear.

She turns. "Are you losing your nerve?" she demands, glaring at me.

My heart is pounding. I have always been scared of this woman, ever since I was left to her by my parents. _Of course I am losing my nerve_, I think to myself. "No," I say quietly.

"Then what is the problem, my dear?" Her voice softens and she offers me a small smile.

I shake my head, trying to adjust my face to look tough and ready for what lies ahead. "Nothing," I finally say.

She nods and smiled. Grasping my hands in hers, she says, "my dear Emily, you will do so well. I know you will find him."

I nod as she walks back to the group to announce that the plan has begun. I gulp. This plan, the plan to find her son Tobias in Dauntless, seemed like a good idea at the time. Heck, it even sounded fun to go and test my strength and to be part of a faction. But now that Choosing Day is here, and now that Evelyn's lover John is going to hijack the ceremony and call names, and now that I have to sneak into the Amity group and choose Dauntless, I am horrified.

"Em." The word snaps me out of my funk, and I turn to see John. "You will be fine."

I nod, looking straight ahead. "I know." I am lying, of course. I will probably die the second I attempt to jump onto the stupid train. At that thought, my breath catches in my throat. I walk away from John, into a small hallway by the main room and begin to cry.

The rest of the morning goes by quickly. Too quickly. After I finish crying, a woman accompanied by Evelyn finds me and they begin to instruct me on how a "former Amity" should act and speak. They fill me on my back story—I was raised Amity by my parents Amy and Joshua Robinson, but grew tired of nobody standing up to each other and acting like life is one big lovefest—and finally give me a yellow tank top and red skirt and do my hair in the typical Amity fashion.

And then, it begins. John is able to knock out the woman who was going to read names before she entered into the building, and then I am left alone as he prepares. None of the factions have arrived yet, so I am in the large room by myself, looking at the five bowls in the front.

I get lost in my thoughts for a while—thoughts of my parents, my sister, Evelyn, Tobias. I do not know what he looks like, but Evelyn shared a lot about him. Hopefully, I will be able to find out where he is. People start to file in. Amity sits in the very front and center, with Erudite and Abnegation on either side of us, and Candor and Dauntless on either side of the room. My throat begins to close as names are called and kids go up to choose their new factions.

Because that is exactly what they are: kids. And I am not much older at nineteen. Evelyn tells me I look young enough, but as I look at these kids cutting into their hands and pledging their allegiance to one of the factions, I begin to feel ill. How, at sixteen, are these kids supposed to know where they belong? But then, my pity turns to myself and the other factionless. These children are blessed. They have somewhere to go, somewhere to live, and somewhere to work. I would like to see them try to survive my life. To survive without beds, without enough food, and sometimes without shelters or parents. The anger begins to boil inside of me, and then I hear my name.

"Emily Robinson."

My head snaps up, and I hear murmurs of "who is that? Have you seen her at school? No, I haven't…"

I stand, and the murmurs stop. As I walk onto the stage, it feels as if my feet are full of led and are unwilling to move. I will one foot in front of the other and stand in front of the bowls. John hands me the knife. Without hesitation, I cut my hand and let the blood run onto the Dauntless coals.

Gasps arise around me, and soon it is over. I am whisked away by the crowd of people in black, and we run out towards the train. Everyone is shouting and laughing, and I start to trail behind. I am small, but certainly not fast. I strain myself to keep up with these people, and soon I begin to wheeze. We finally reach the tracks, and I watch as one person after another swing themselves up onto the train. I begin to mimic their movements, running alongside the train, before jumping up and grabbing onto the rail of the train. I finally pull myself up with a huff, and I am able to stand up. I glance at everyone, and no one seems to really notice me. I avoid eye contact with those who do look, and I sit in the least crowded corner.

I shut my eyes and try not to cry.

"An Amity, huh?"

"She looks like one."

"She won't last a day."

"Why would she choose Dauntless?"


	2. Memories

Chapter Two

I am in the train, but my thoughts are elsewhere. With my parents and my sister. I do not know where they are, only that they left me with Evelyn to go somewhere. When I was ten, they told me they would be right back, and then they were gone. Evelyn took me in far too quickly, and I have been suspicious for these nine years. Overall, she has been a good mother figure, but there is something about her that scares me. What would my family think of me now, going undercover to Dauntless? Posing as an Amity girl, trying to find Evelyn's son and bring him back to her?

"Get ready to jump!"

I look up and stand, trying to find my courage. It is there, somewhere deep inside me. All of a sudden, people start to jump onto a rooftop. _A rooftop?!_ I am not going to even make it to see the Dauntless headquarters.

And suddenly, it is my turn, and I jump. And I feel like I am floating. Fear does not crash into me as I hit the ground and scrape my knees, but adrenaline takes its place and makes me pant. But I smile. The last of the people jump from the train. I am too lost in my thoughts, staring down at my knees against the concrete, but suddenly I hear a scream. And it is going down.

I jolt up, confused, and look to see people standing at the ledge, watching something. I run to where they are, look down, and see a man falling to a pit. Falling to his death. This is initiation? To kill yourself by jumping off a ledge? But then, I hear a "woohoo" from the bottom of the blackness, and I tilt my head. Dauntless is underground?

One by one, people jump after that brave—or stupid—man, each either screaming or laughing or crying. When it is my turn, however, I clamp my mouth shut and hesitantly take one step off of the building. And I am gone.

I am falling. I wish I could fly. But I can't. Instead I sink through the air like a rock thrown into a pool. The air gets knocked out of me as I hit a net at the bottom of the pit. I ache and tears sting my eyes. Blinking my eyes, I search throughout the darkness to find where I am, to get some sort of understanding of where I am. But there is just black, except for the bright light above me.

And then an arm grabs me by the waist and heaves me off the net. I am dropped to the floor and I look around in the blue glow until my eyes finally adjust.

"Name?" says a man with shaggy black hair.

"Emily," I manage, looking away. He gazes at me inquisitively, with a crooked smirk on his face.

He nods at me and heaves another girl to her feet.

"Name?"

"Selena," she says confidently, smiling at him.

Soon, everyone is off the net, and we are lead down a dark hallway. I stumble a few times, and the same man who was helping people from the net grabs hold of my arm. It is uncomfortable; I do not like to be touched.

"It's kind of hard to get used to at first," he says kindly.

I nod but pull my arm away. "Thanks. I'll be fine." Something tells me that, like the factionless, this is not a place to trust people.

We are stopped in front of four people—trainers, maybe? One is a short girl with blond hair to her neck. She is holding onto the hand of a man beside her with short black hair. Then, there is a blue-haired man with piercings all over his face. It makes me nauseas, thinking of all the needles required for him to look like that. Beside him is a girl, equally if not more pierced. She has bright purple and red hair to her shoulders.

The man beside the blond speaks. "Welcome to Dauntless, initiates," he says. "I am Four. Beside me is my wife Tris. She is learning to train you alongside me and Drake." He nods towards the man who touched my arm. "We will be training those of you who changed factions to come here."

Then piercing man speaks. "And I am Leon. I will be training Dauntless-born. Congratulations!"

Congratulations? For what?

Four and Trist exchange a glace and an eye roll before looking back to us.

"You guys are in for a lot," purple hair says. "So we will be showing you to your rooms. You are free to do whatever you want until tomorrow morning when training begins. Be in the dorms by ten tonight. I am Melissa. Come with me."

The Dauntless-born follow Melissa and Leon, and the transfers follow Tris, Drake, and Four down a dark hallway. Four keeps leaning into Tris and murmuring something, and it is obvious they are in love when they share a laugh or a smile.

I sigh to myself quietly. I thought I was in love once. I thought I had met the man I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. And then things changed, and he changed, and I am still bruised.


	3. You Again

Chapter Three

We arrive in a large room filled with bunk beds and trunks beside them. It is a scary looking room, like many unspeakable things have happened here. The beds have black sheets and black pillows. It does not help with the ominous feel of the room.

"You can each pick a bed," Drake says from behind us.

All at once, the transfers begin to run and fight over which bed they want, as if they are not concerned at all about what is going to happen to them. I stand there for a moment, watching the chaos die down. I walk to the very opposite side of the room and sit on a bed in the corner.

"So, you're Emily?"

I look up. It is the girl, Selena, that jumped after me. I nod and give her a smile. _Amity girls always smile_, I think to myself. "I am. And you're Selena, right?"

She gives me a smile, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. "Yep, that's me." She sits on the bed beside me and I get nervous, tensing up. I do not want her to come closer. I hate being close to people. She leans in and gives me a glare. "I don't know why a peace-loving Amity would choose Dauntless, but I want you to know that you're going to regret it." She whispers the last part like a hiss.

Shivers run down my spine, and I glare back at her. "And why is that?"

She laughs sarcastically. "Well," she begins, "Amity can't fight worth crap. And if you plan on loving us until it hurts, I don't think that will work either. Too bad you don't have any of your peace serum, huh? You could just inject us all and we would all be so happy with you! I'm sure you would be ranked first!"

I stand from my bed and look down at her angrily, but I have to think of what an Amity girl would say. "We're getting off on the wrong foot here, Selena. I'm very sorry you have a problem with me, and I'm sure that we will be able to work it out. But until then, please do not insult me. Goodbye for now." I turn and walk out of the dorm.

The glowing blue lights lead my way to the main chasm. There is a pit in the center of the room with no railings. That scares me. I hate heights. There is water at the bottom, pouring and splashing so loudly that my ears almost ache. Transfers and Dauntless-borns are running all over the place, yelping and laughing.

I spot Four, Tris, and Drake, and go to them. An Amity would suck up.

"Hey guys!" I say cheerfully, plastering the best smile I can on my face.

Tris looks away from Four to me and tells me hello. Four does the same, and then they turn back to each other and begin to talk.

"Emily, hey," Drake says with a smile. "I have a question for you."

I nod. "Go for it." Still smiling like a fool.

"Why did you come here from Amity?"

He is so straight forward. He must be Candor. I tilt my head a bit and bite my lip, thinking of the story Evelyn told me to recite whenever someone asked me. "I just got tired of nobody standing up for themselves. As much as I love peace, sometimes conflict is better. It's not good to keep things bottled up." My smile fades, and I am serious.

He nods thoughtfully, and then chuckles. "Well, the Dauntless don't really do that. You'll be good."

I smile at him, and this time it is genuine. "Thanks." And then I look away, suddenly tired. "Well, it was nice to talk to you, Drake."

I glance at him one last time, and he smiles at me. Again with that crooked smile. I give an airy laugh and turn to walk away. And then I spot him.

The man who damaged me so greatly. Who hurt me physically and mentally and who ruined me. Aaron. He is standing with another girl, talking and laughing. My stomach churns. He is feeding that poor girl lies, too. He is buttering her up. Tears begin to stream down my face and I turn to go to the dorm. But then his voice reaches my ears and I stop; I cannot move forward.

"Emily! Baby!"

I turn around, and he is already in front of me. "No longer factionless, huh?" He says it too loud, and people turn, confusion in their eyes.

I offer up a fake laugh, trying to diffuse the situation. "Aaron, you're too funny." I glare at him. "If you'll excuse me," I murmur, turning.

"Nope, not so fast, missy." His hand grips my shoulder, and it hurts. I wince and turn back to him. I am still powerless against him. I am still unable to stand up to him. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, Evelyn. She, um… I don't know, she wants me to experience a faction."

He raises his eyebrows. "And she picked Dauntless? By 'experience a faction,' does she mean she wants you to die?" He laughs.

I shake my head, emotions boiling up inside of me. "No." My jaw sets in a hard line. "I picked Dauntless."

He laughs again and moves his hand to my cheek. "Hon, you're not going to make it here. Go back to being factionless."

I glare at him. "I will be fine." And with that, I pull away from his hand and go to the dorm. First I walk, and then, when I am sure no one can see, I run. I run as fast as I can until I reach the room and flop on my bed. And then I start to cry, and I cry until I fall asleep.


	4. Strength

Chapter Four

I wake up to the sound of sneakers hitting the floor, my fellow initiates yawns, and conversations among them. My eyes flutter open, and it strange to not be awoken by the sunshine. This saddens me, and I get up out of bed. I go into the bathroom and change into the black Dauntless clothes we were each given. I frown at myself in the mirror. It clings to my body too closely. It makes me feel so exposed and I hate it. I sigh and pull my brown hair back into a ponytail that hangs down my back.

When I go out, not many people are left in the room. Selena, unfortunately, is one of them. She and I lock eyes and she glares, and I glare right back. I do not want to act like an Amity with her. I want to act factionless. I want to prove her wrong and rise above the odds. And I will. I know I will.

We walk outside of the room, down a hall, into a room filled with punching bags and targets.

Four, Tris, and Drake are all standing there waiting. Again, Four and Tris are in their own world and Drake is the third wheel. When they notice us, they all stand straighter and nod to us. They do not seem as welcoming in this setting compared to when I spoke with them last. Four immediately goes into an explanation of what the day will entail, but I cannot focus. I am thinking of Aaron and why he is here. He is factionless. Was factionless, apparently. My stomach hurts and I look at my shoes, studying the shiny black sneakers.

Drake's voice wakes me up, and I look at him. "This year, we are doing things differently. We are beginning by having a mock fight with you. Then, we will see firsthand where you need improvement. We will then work one on one with you. Then, you will fight each other." His voice is harsher than it was when I spoke with him yesterday, but it is still softer than Four's.

Tris speaks up. I have not heard her speak much. "The first two days will be the mock fights. Be warned though, when we say 'mock,' that does not mean you won't be sore in the morning." She pauses. "Four, you go first. Who do you want?" She looks at him, and that look of love is back.

"Andy," he says, and the man who jumped first grins. They go to one of the several rings—is that what you call them?—and begin.

Tris speaks again. "And I'll take Selena." They go to the ring next to Four and Andy.

Then Drake. "Emily."

My name surprises me, and I look at him, confused. I wait to make sure that nobody else named Emily will step up. I am scared. I cannot do this. But I step forward and he leads me to a ring further off.

"Be brave, Emily."

"Emmie," I say quickly. Emily is too formal here; it is too respectful. People do not show respect here.

He nods and goes into a fighting stance. I attempt to mimic it, and I see a smile playing at his lips. I swing at him, but he catches my fist and twists my arm painfully. I inhale sharply and he lets go. "Too slow," he says. "Again."

I swing my fist at him again, this time trying to throw him off by throwing in a kick. I manage to kick his shin, and he winces a little bit. I smirk and jump back to my stance, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Better," he says. "Keep your guard up," he warns. And then he punches me. Right in the stomach. Just like Aaron. And I crumble to my knees, unable to breathe. And I am laying there, and then the world seems to crumble around me. I hear snickers from the rest of the initiates, but I cannot get up. I cannot will myself to get up, knowing that I would just be hurt again.

A rough hand lifts me up and sets me to my feet. "This," he begins. His voice is gruff. "is a perfect example of what not to do." I look up at him, and it is Leon. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, the tears beginning to dry on my cheeks.

Four steps in to explain. "Tris had to leave the room for a moment." He pauses, as if to think of what to say. "She is not feeling well."

Leon's hand is still on me, and it is getting tighter. "This was a pathetic act of cowardice on your first day, _Emily_," he sneers at my name. "If you want to be factionless, you are off to a good start."

I almost laugh. If only he knew. He lets me go, almost throwing me, and I lose balance and fall back to the ground. Leon smirks down at me. "Come on, Emily, get up and fight me. Drake was going too easy on you."

My hands shake. I get up and look at him. He is so much taller than me. So much bigger than me. I glance to his hands, to his feet. They look as if they could break me if they made contact with me. He motions for me to begin, and I see Drake going to replace Tris's spot by Four's ring. I look back at Leon and take a swing. He blocks it and throws me to the ground. My heart is pounding and my ears are ringing, but I get up. I get up and pant and try again. And again. And again. Finally, I am able to land a punch right to his stomach. And then a kick. And, as awful as he seems, he smiles at me. "Good. Much improvement. You're excused."

It is a pleasant surprise, and I jump at the opportunity to leave. I walk out of the training room and go back to the dorms. I sit on my bed, curl my knees into my chest, and set my chin on them. I survived the first day. I cannot help but smile, but that smile is soon erased. Me being Dauntless depends on how well I do. I cannot expect to get by without improving. And that means I cannot be paralyzed with fear when I am touched. When I am punched. I wince. My stomach is beginning to ache. Everything aches.

Selena walks in, her mouth bloody. She still sneers at me. She walks to me and grins. "Looks like you didn't do so well, huh?"

I sigh and sink into my pillow. "I will improve," I say. And I mean it. I will learn what there is to learn, I will do well, and I will find Tobias. I will bring him back to Evelyn and I will be rewarded. I will be looked up to; I will be a hero.


	5. Determination

**I received a very nice review - my first review ever - and just wanted to thank everyone for reading this. And thanks to that one person who reviewed! It was short and sweet but meant a lot! **

**I want to clarify some details for you guys:**

**1. This is taking place three years after the end of Divergent, so Tris is nineteen (Emily's age) and Four is twenty-one. There was no war, obviously, but Eric was kicked out of Dauntless. More on that later.**

**2. Emily was born factionless; her parents left her under the care of Evelyn. They left because they're jerks, basically, but Emily still has hope they will come back.**

**3. Evelyn knows Tobias is in Dauntless (obviously she would have heard about it somehow, right?), but she does not know anything more than that. For all she knows, he could have left or died.**

**4. And that's where Emily comes in. Since she has been Evelyn's "daughter" for nine years, she feels entitled to bring Tobias back and repay Evelyn for taking care of her when her own parents wouldn't.**

**More history will be revealed later, and I apologize if Four and Tris seem out of character. I'm trying to think of what they would say and how they would think in this situation. But, obviously, I am not Veronica Roth!**

**Thanks again to all who have read, followed, favorited, and reviewed.**

Chapter Five

With new determination, I get off of my bed and decide to go out to the Pit. I catch initiates glancing at me, but I ignore them and walk out the door and down the dark hallway. I am still not used to not seeing any sun. It is uncomfortable and cold. I have had goosebumps on my arms ever since I arrived here. My body is not used to being sheltered from the blazing heat of the sun.

I reach the Pit and look around. There are shops around—a tattoo parlor, a clothing store, a shoe store, and others that I am unable to recognize. I cannot read the signs. I never learned to read. Being factionless, I was unable to go school. I know next to nothing about the factions. All I do know is that I hate them. I hate the way they look down at us. They do not care about us, except for the Abnegation. I would not hate them if I did not know about Evelyn's husband and Tobias's father, Marcus Eaton. Evelyn told me so many stories of that evil man. Part of me aches for Tobias. I do not know what to think of Evelyn and how she left him to fend for himself against his father. My heart aches for the Eaton family, even more Marcus. People mirror what they see, what they grow up with. I would not doubt that he was in the same boat at one time.

I would not doubt that Aaron was in the same boat at one time. But I do not have sympathy for him. I do not care that he may have been hurt. I do not want to give him sympathy, to allow him to get his foot in the door back into my heart. I made the mistake once. I believed his lies and offered him my heart.

I lean on one of the cold walls and observe the people around me. I do not understand this place, this faction. I do not understand their point of view on bravery. Bravery is not throwing yourself off of a train. It is not being beaten to death by another initiate. It is not overcoming your fears; it is simply facing them and learning from them.

"Emily, right?"

I turn; it is Tris. "Yes," I say. "How are you feeling?" I want her back training with us instead of Leon. Leon is scary. They are all scary, but Tris seems to be the least scary.

She gives me a small smile, and her hand automatically moves to her stomach. When my eyes follow, her arm suddenly stiffens and she drops her hand to her side. I look back to her face, confused.

"Your stomach?" I guess.

Her jaw sets and she looks annoyed. "Yeah. I ate something bad."

I grunt in response, wanting to deck her. _Don't talk to me about eating something bad_, I think. But I put on a face of concern. "Are you all right now?"

She seems to relax, and she nods. "I am. Thanks."

I nod back. "Did you want something?" I ask, confused. Why would she just approach me? Maybe I don't like her as much as I thought I did.

"I was just wanting to apologize, actually," she says.

I raise my eyebrows. "Why? For what, I mean?"

She chews on her lip. "Four told me that Leon singled you out." When she sees me sigh, she quickly adds, "he says you did well, though."

At that, I cannot help but smile and nod. "Well, thanks. It's not your fault you didn't feel good." I avoid her gaze, looking behind her. "But yeah. It felt good to get a hit on Leon."

Tris laughs. "I'm sure Four and Drake envied you at that moment. That guy is something else," she explains. "Not as bad as another leader we had, though. Eric. Things were found out about him. Needless to say, he became factionless. Serves him right."

I meet her gaze, the warm anger washing over me. "Ah," is all I say in response. _Serves him right?_ She speaks of the factionless as if it is a prison for criminals. My heart begins to pound faster. "Is that all you wanted?"

She pauses, and her expression becomes one of confusion, as if asking herself what exactly she wanted to tell me. "No, um," she falters. "Actually, I wanted to tell you to not give up."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Thanks." It is not genuine, and she can tell.

"Yeah," she murmurs, her hand back to her stomach. "You're probably busy. I'll let you go now." She turns, her blond hair bouncing as she walks, and I see her go down a hall. There is a sign over it, but I do not know what it says. I try to guess what it is and where she is going, but I do not know. Quietly, I move from the wall and decide to go into one of the stores.

There are many clothes in here, but they are all black. I frown. It is stupid for the factions to separate themselves by color. As if it even matters. I glare at the different shades of blacks and turn to walk out of the shop, when I again hear my name. It is a boy from my dorm, an initiate.

"Hi, Emily!" He is so cheerful, and I soon recognize him as Andy—the first jumper.

I am confused. Why does everyone know my name? I have not introduced myself to many people. "Hi," I murmur, embarrassed.

He is so confident looking. He smirks at me and moves closer. "Are you okay?" His expression is filled with sympathy, his eyebrows furrowing together.

I nod. I do not like Andy. What does he want? "Yeah, I'm good. Thank you for your concern." I glance around us, but no one seems to notice us. Inside, my heart is filled with terror and my nerves are on fire, but to the outside world, I must just look like another girl. But I am so scared. I want my own room. I do not want to share it with these people. With Selena and with Andy.

Andy is talking about something, but my mind is too clouded to catch his words. I stare at him, blank. His words slow, and he looks at me again. "Um, are you okay?" He feels awkward now.

I turn away from him, not bothering to answer his question. It is always the same answer: _Yes, I am fine. Thank you for your concern. No, Aaron is a good boyfriend. Thank you for your concern. No, these bruises are from falling. Thank you for your concern. _I walk away from Andy and from the clothing store, shaking my head to expel these memories.

I am here for one reason, and one reason only: to find Tobias and bring him back. Once I bring him back, I can leave this place and these faction-entitled people. And in order to find Tobias, I need to step up my game. I need to get through this time of initiation, and I need to do well in it. I need to get stronger, faster, and braver.

So that is what I will do. And at this thought, with my newfound determination, I turn towards the hallway that holds the training room in which I was hurt today. And then I start to run towards it, eager to begin.

I get there, and I am not the only initiate in this room. I recognize some from the transfer group, but others must be Dauntless-born. Most of them are men, however, and when I recognize this, my heart jumps with fear. I shake my head, pushing the thoughts out of my mind. I will not let this stop me.

I go to a punching bag. And to my surprise, I let loose. I attack it. I hit it with my fists, my elbows, my knees, my feet. It makes me feel powerful. I continue to hit it for I don't know how long. But when I stop, my arms and legs are sore. My knuckles are split and bloody and purple. And I look around me, and no one is here anymore. No one except for Drake, and he is leaning against the opposite wall, watching me with that same crooked smirk. My heart jumps, and I am not sure whether to attribute it to being watched or to that smile.

I stand up straighter, squaring my shoulders, and go to him. "Drake," I say. My voice falters, but I feel confident. "What do you need?"

"Are you really from Amity?" he asks, his eyebrows raised.

_Oh crap_. "Yes. Obviously, I didn't really belong there, though," I say with a laugh.

He laughs, too. "I see that. I didn't know an Amity girl could allow herself to hit something, let alone people." He grins, obviously referring to Leon.

I nod, but my smile is gone. "I didn't really know that either," I admit. But when I thought of Aaron and what he did to me, at first I was paralyzed. But then it turned into anger, and I was able to use that.

His eyes shift to my knuckles, and he suddenly looks concerned. "Maybe you should get to the dorms," he says, his voice suddenly sharp.

"No, actually, I want to fight you again." The words come quickly, and I am embarrassed. "I mean… Um." I do not know what I mean. But he hit me. And I want revenge; I want to show him that I will not crumple with fear again. I want to prove myself to him.

His grin is back. "We could get in trouble, you know." Why do I want to prove myself to him? He is just another faction-entitled man. He has no idea what it is like to not have bed, food, water, shelter. "Four is a stickler when it comes to initiates," he continues, "even though he met his wife that way."

I tilt my head, surprised. "He met Tris that way?"

He nods, smiling at my curiosity. "Yeah, and he was a jerk to her, too. But, somehow they worked out." He shrugs. "I don't know, I heard the story from his friend Zeke. Four's not big on sharing things about himself."

I nod, thinking. "Well, that's pretty cool that they met that way." Even after Aaron, I am still a hopeless romantic. I still want to get married and have kids, and grow old with someone.

He smiles at me. "Yeah, it is." He walks away from me, and at first I think he is leaving, but he turns around and positions himself in the same fighting stance I saw earlier. "So, a fight is what you want?"

I grin and nod. "Yeah."

He beckons for me to approach him, and I do. He begins to say something, but before he can really prepare himself, I rush towards him and shove my sore, bloody fist into his face. And then I turn, and I shove my foot out in front of me, into his stomach. Let's see how he likes it.

The breath is knocked out of him and he bends to grip his stomach, but his eyes rise to me and there is a sparkle in them. I see a smile playing at his lips, and he rushes towards me, but suddenly stops. He is looking at something behind me, and his smile is gone; his eyes are hard and cold.

I whirl around, and there is Aaron standing in the doorway.


	6. Scars

Chapter Six

My heart begins to pound, and I am confused. Drake knows Aaron? Aaron knows Drake? What is going on? I stare at him, at his seemingly permanent glare. My breathing hitches, and I back up. I do not want to be hurt again; I will not let him.

Aaron squares his shoulders and begins to walk towards us. _Please no,_ I think. I shut my eyes, my hands beginning to shake. Drake must notice, because he rests a hand on my shoulder. I barely register this. But instead of throwing it off like I normally would, I let it stay there and I appreciate his gesture of comfort.

"You guys doing some sparring?" Aaron asks.

Drake responds with a yes, and his grip tightens a little bit. "What are you doing here? Aren't you working the night shift tonight?"

Aaron shakes his head. "Nah, Tori didn't need me, after all. I thought I'd come here and hit the weights." His eyes flicker to me. "One of the initiates has caught my eye."

_You've got to be kidding me_. He's flirting? After what he has done to me? I frown at him. He must be delusional. But then he looks at me, and I can tell that an idea pops into his head. "So, Emily, have you heard the news? Apparently one of the initiates is actually factionless, and she snuck in here."

Oh crap. I shake my head, narrowing my eyes at him. Of course he would expose my past. Why did I expect him to keep it to himself?

"Wait, are you serious right now, Aaron?" Drake asks. He sounds angry. I want to cry. I do not want him angry with me.

Aaron nods, eating up the attention. "Oh, yeah. I guess she didn't even think to learn up on anything about the faction she's posing for." Aaron looks at me again. "You haven't seen anything, have you Emily?"

Time to lie. "No, but that's really weird that someone would do that." My voice sounds so weak, so feeble. "But I'll be sure to tell someone if I find out who it is."

Drake spins me around. "You be sure to tell _me_, okay?"

I search his eyes, my heart feeling as though it is sinking. His kind expression is gone. Instead it looks disgusted, that a factionless is somewhere in Dauntless; somewhere in his presence. But I nod, and try to put a smile on my face. "I will, Drake," I promise quietly.

"Well, I'll see you later, you guys." I hear Aaron's footsteps as he walks out, and Drake and I are left staring at each other. My heart is racing and my mind is swimming. Why did I ever think I could do this? Why would Evelyn do this to me? All she cares about is Tobias; not me…

"Emily, are you okay?" Drake looks concerned.

"I'm fine," I say quickly. "Just tired. I'm still sore from today. I'll see you tomorrow." I turn and walk out of the room without looking back, without hesitating. Once I get back to the dorms, everyone is asleep in their beds. I hurry to my own bed, trying to keep my footsteps light and quiet. I crawl into the hard bed without enough blankets and shiver when the cold sheets touch my skin. I shut my eyes as tightly as I can, and then I am terrified. Drake knows where the initiates sleep. He knows I am here. I cannot stay here. I throw the covers off of me and rush to the door and out the hall. Where can I go? I decide to go to the Pit, hoping Drake or Four or Tris is not there.

Once I arrive at the Pit, I go to the least crowded corner and slump down, leaning on the wall. I will stay here tonight, and I will not sleep. I cannot sleep.

I do not know how many hours pass, how many people filter in and out, how many fights break out, how many voices I hear before I spot Drake and Four going to the training room. Why is Tris not going? Her stomach still? I stand, and my back and legs are so stiff that they ache deeply. But I follow them, not too close, and wait a while outside the door to the training room. A few initiates enter, and I go in when it seems like a good time.

Four and Drake are there with their backs turned to the door. They are talking to a third person, Leon probably. I gather with the other initiates. When Andy sees me, he smiles and waves. I smile back, relieved a little bit to see a friendly face. Maybe he is not so bad.

Drake turns, but he is still blocking Leon from my view. "Today is the same thing as yesterday." He looks at me with a worried look on my face. I scowl at him. I do not need his sympathy. "Tris is still having some health issues, so we brought in the next best thing—Leon was not able to make it. Aaron will be the third trainer today."

Aaron. Aaron? The same Aaron? No, not the same Aaron. It can't be. What did he do to Tris to get here? He steps out from behind Drake, and it is the same Aaron. His eyes go straight to me and he gives me a wicked smile. I immediately look away, my face hot.

"Douglas," Four says. I do not bother to see who steps up.

"Mark," says Drake. Again, I do not care to see who it is.

Please, do not call my name, please do not call my name, not my name, not my name. If he does not call it, someone else will when they are finished. Four or Drake could call it. Please do not be cruel to me…

"Em!"


	7. Unmasked

Chapter Seven

I look up at Aaron, tears stinging at my eyes, but I am determined to not show fear. I will not show fear to this man. I step forward, my body aching, and face him.

He grins at me, and he immediately lunges towards me, his fist connecting with my mouth. My teeth are rattled, and I taste blood. I attempt to blink it away, to move away from him and regain control, but he hits me again, this time his knee in my stomach. I gag and cough, my lungs screaming for air, and his palm hits my forehead and shoves me all the way down to floor. I am laying there, clutching my stomach, trying to breathe, but he does not stop. His foot collides with my back, my stomach, my ribs, my chest, my legs, my head. My vision is blotched with black spots, and I do not know if everyone stopped talking at once or if my hearing stopped working. His hand then grips my hair and he pulls me up with it, and I am sobbing and crying and screaming and I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe.

And then I am thrown back to the ground, and I begin to hear again. Drake is yelling, and footsteps rush to Aaron. He is suddenly pulled off of me, and I am left to shake on the floor. I do not know what happens next, and I do not know if I will wake up, but I let my eyes shut, and I am gone.

* * *

My eyes flutter open, and I am somewhere unfamiliar. I am not in the dorms; I am not in my bed. I move my arms to push myself up, but I cannot move. Big letters are on the wall, but I do not understand what they say. Hospital, maybe? I involuntarily let out a sob, and my chest aches.

"She's up," I hear someone say. It sounds like Four. And I am right; he and Tris walk into the room I am in.

Tris sits down beside me and offers me a worried smile. "Hey, Emmie. Are you feeling okay?"

I do not respond to her question. "Where am I?" I ask quietly, suddenly scared.

"This is mine and Four's apartment."

I narrow my eyes. "Oh." My head aches. I am in so much pain. I wonder how I look. I bet I look like death.

Tris turns to Four. "Do you want to let Drake know she's up?"

I tilt my head. "Why does he want to know?"

She looks back to me as Four nods. "Four and I need to go somewhere, and we asked him to watch you while Aaron is still here."

"Still here?"

"He is probably going to be exiled," Four says. "The Dauntless are about bravery. And a trainer mercilessly beating an initiate is not brave."

I look down, nodding. "So, exiled… like, factionless?"

They nod, their faces solemn. I feel a pang of guilt for sending him back there. But that is soon gone, and I am almost proud of it.

"You should get some more rest," Tris says. Her hand goes back to her stomach, and I am more suspicious. "You're excused from training tomorrow. It's unusual to do, but things are changing around here. The ruthlessness of Dauntless is becoming less, and Four and I are working hard on that. So, we are personally excusing you from tomorrow." She smiles at me, and it is reassuring.

"Thank you, Tris. And Four. Thank you both."

They both smile, and they seem so much more like normal people here. Approachable and kind. They leave the room, promising to send Drake in after them. It is not long after they leave before he comes in, and his face is filled with concern until he sees me.

"You look like hell," he says with a laugh.

Despite myself, I laugh too. "Oh, thanks."

He smiles at me and sits on a chair beside the bed. "So, are you gonna tell me what's going on with you?"

I am taken aback by his question. "You're Candor aren't you?"

He laughs. "I am! Was." He studies my face. "And you're _not_ Amity, are you?"

I gulp. I have heard that Candor are able to tell when someone is lying. I am hopeless. I deliberate for a long time. I could lie and say that I am actually from Abnegation and wanted to be selfless so I lied? I could say I am actually Dauntless-born but I did not want to be favored. I run through many possible scenarios and stories, but I finally give in. "No." I look away, ashamed of myself.

He is silent for a long time, and I feel like I am going to explode. But then, he finally speaks. "What was your real faction?"

I sigh. I am done for already, right? Why not tell him? "Um, none."

I dare a peek at him, and his eyes widen. "Factionless?"

I say nothing.

"How did you do this?"

Nothing.

"Emily—" he stops. "Emmie," he corrects himself, "I'm not gonna tell anyone. But I am curious as to why you did this. And how."

I look at him, surprised. "You're not going to tell?"

He shakes his head and offers a smile. "No. I'm not going to send you back there." He leans in closer. "In fact, Four and Tris are working on making the initiation process simpler. Less competition; sending fewer people to become factionless."

This is a surprise. Most of the factionless come from Dauntless. "Why? I mean, that's great, but why?"

His smile fades, and he shakes his head. "We had some pretty screwed up leaders before. The Dauntless values got all screwed up, and they made it more about ruthless beatings" I cringe at the word "than courage."

I nod thoughtfully. Maybe this is why I hate factions. Because the leaders are awful and their values are screwed up. No, that is not why. Necessities are taken for granted daily. Food, water, shelter. These are all givens. "So what is your point of telling me this?"

He grins and chuckles. "You could be Candor, yourself." But then his face is serious. "I just want you to know that Aaron will be gone soon. And then, you can focus on getting through this initiation process. And after that, when you get in… I just want you to know you'll be safe here."

I raise my eyebrows. "And how do you know I wasn't safe before? With the factionless?"

He narrows his eyes at me, almost into a glare. "You obviously knew Aaron from before, right?" He waits for a response, but I do not give him one. "Yes, you did," he answers for me.

I look away from him, avoiding his gaze at all cost. There is something about his chocolate eyes that makes me feel lost. "Thanks for your concern, Drake. But I'm fine. I'll be back on my feet tomorrow. And I don't care if Dauntless is making initiation easier or harder—either way, I'm gonna rock it."

"Okay, Emmie. Good luck with that." I hear a smile in his voice, and it encourages me.

I allow myself a glance at him, and he gives me that crooked smile. "Do you think I can do it?"

He pauses. "Emmie, it's tough, and—"

"Okay, stop," I interrupt him. "_Yes, you do_." I mimic his voice from before, and he laughs. "And you're absolutely right. I've got this."


	8. Broken

**Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad some people are enjoying this!**

Chapter Eight

I do not know how long Drake and I talk. He asks me about the factionless. He asks me if there is any sense of community there, if anyone is kind. And then he asks me about my family, and I do not answer. Why does he think he has any right to know about them? I look down, suddenly angry. Sore. So sore.

"Yeah, I think we're done," I mumble, avoiding his gaze.

It is quiet for a while before he speaks, his voice quiet. "I'm sorry, Emmie. I didn't mean—"

I shake my head, interrupting him. "No, Drake, it's fine. Please just leave me alone for now. I'm…" I hesitate. "I'm tired," I finally say, almost laughing. Tired is the least of my feelings right now. I am in agony, I am hurt, I am broken, I am so broken. I am everything bad.

I am still avoiding his gaze, but I soon hear the door shut. He is gone.

When he leaves, I let myself cry. I let myself scream into the pillow and soak the pillowcase with my tears. For today, I will allow myself to wallow in grief. I will allow myself to scream and cry; I will allow myself to lose my mind. Tomorrow, I will go back to training. Tomorrow, I will go back to my only goal for being here: finding Tobias Eaton. And then, I can return to my home. This is not my home.

* * *

I wake up, but the room is still dark. For a moment, I forget where I am and fear wrenches my stomach into knots. But then I remember, and I allow myself to relax a little bit. I do not know what time it is. I do not know what is going on. When did I talk to Drake?

I push myself up with my arms, and I gasp. My head immediately feels like it is being crushed with a giant vice. My stomach is tight and hot; my eyes burn. My arms shake from holding my weight, and I am able to sit up.

And then images of the previous day come crashing into me, hitting me like a ton of bricks. I feel the punches, the kicks, the blood all over again. I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe, I cannot breathe.

My heart is going too fast. Too fast too fast. The room is spinning. Finally I am able to scream, and I cannot move. My whole body shakes, and I am unable to control it. My teeth chatter and it hurts. Suddenly, someone rushes in and the lights turn on.

"Oh geez, Tobias, I need help!" It is a female voice. Tris.

Tobias? That name is familiar. It is important. Why?

Then two more sets of footsteps enter the room, and I hear Drake and Four. But their words begin to blend together; it is soon a continuous garbled sound. Tobias… Is one of them Tobias? But Drake said he is Candor… And Four… He is not… not…

I cannot think, but someone touches my shoulder and I immediately start screaming. Tears are running down my cheeks. I taste the salt. "Don't touch me!" I yell, hysterical.

Everyone is talking. It is so loud, it is too loud! How can anyone think in this place?

Something sharp jabs me in the neck, and I recoil so hard that I feel myself begin to fall off of the bed. What did they put into me? Hard arms catch me, and I faintly recognize the scent. It is one of the scents in the bed; it is Four.

"Get off!" I mean to scream, but it comes out as a quiet murmur. I am placed back onto the bed, and I realize I have been closing my eyes the whole time. I finally open them, and I look up to see the concerned faces of Four, Tris, and Drake.

None of them speak, and I do not know what to do. I want to run away. I want Evelyn to hug me again. I want to be with my family again. They will come back, won't they? They said they would. I suddenly get lost in thoughts of my family, and a part of my heart aches for them.

The dull pain is still in my neck, and suddenly I become angry. "What did you do to me?" I ask furiously, my cheeks hot. "What did you put in me? What's going on?" I demand.

This time, Tris speaks. "Relax." She glances at Four, a worried expression on her face. "It's just a serum to calm you down. It slows your heart rate and relaxes your muscles. It's okay."

"Emmie, we're going to relocate you," Four says quietly.

Suddenly I become fearful. I have shown too much weakness here. This faction does not accept weakness. It kicks out the weak; I have met many of them. My breathing hitches. "No," I say weakly. Then, my eyes set on Drake, and I feel as though I could claw his eyes out. "You," I hiss.

He looks surprised, his eyebrows raising. He still looks concerned. "You told them!" I say. I want to be angry, but whatever this is—this serum—is making my thoughts cloudy. I am tired.

He narrows his eyes at me, shaking his head slowly. "Four, Tris, will you excuse us?"

They leave the room without hesitation, and the door is shut behind them.

Drake takes a step toward me, and I feel like I am going to shrink into the bed. He jabs his finger in the air towards me. "Emily, you are going to give yourself away!" Surprisingly, his voice does not sound angry, but sympathetic. Suddenly he sits beside me on my bed, and I flinch away, avoiding his gaze.

"Shh, it's okay," his voice is almost a whisper now, and it forces me to look at him. He is so concerned, I can see it in his eyes, in his face. Everything about him looks as if he wants to scoop me up and run with me. "I told you, he's gone."

I blink away more tears. "I get that," I whisper, shaking my head. And then I let out a breathy laugh. "How was I so confident yesterday?" I shut my eyes again and try my hardest not to cry. "I don't belong here. I can't do this. I… I can't," the words turn into sobs.

Suddenly I am pulled to him, and my initial reaction is to flinch away from him, to run as far away from him as I can. But his grip on me tightens. "Stop," he murmurs. "Just cry."

We stay like that for a long time, and then it hits me. Tobias. Tobias Eaton. Tris said his name. Tobias. That is why I am here. I push Drake away quickly and harshly, and I look up at him. Is this Tobias? Is Four? Who did Tris call to?

Every part of me wants to ask him, to plead with him to just tell me if he is the guy I am looking for. If he is the poor boy who was hurt and abused. I search his eyes, trying to find any secrets.

Neither of us say anything, but I suddenly have new reason to try harder. This man, if he is Tobias Eaton… I will help him; I will bring him back to his mother. He can start a new life and escape this hell. But first… "I need your help," I say softly.


	9. Yum

**You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for your support. I am so glad some people like this story!**

**I'm sorry it has taken a while to update, but I've been sick and focusing on college.**

**Enjoy! :)**

Chapter Nine

Drake looks at me, puzzled, and his smirk fades. "My help?" he repeats. Worry is in his features. He glances away from me, and this only makes me want to press further, to ask him who he is.

But I pause, my resolve wavering. My head hurts. "I need you to train me," I say quietly, glancing up at him through my eyelashes. "So I can really become Dauntless," I add.

His grin returns as suddenly as it vanished, and I cannot help but grin back. "You'll do it?" I ask excitedly.

He nods, and then he looks into my eyes very seriously. "Don't tell Tris or Four about this," he murmurs. "We're not really supposed to be too friendly with the initiates until, well, until they get in."

I give a breathy laugh, unsure of myself now. "What if they find out? Then what happens?"

He bites down on his lip. "I'm not sure," he admits with a smile. "But let's just not get to that point." He gives me a smile, but this one does not seem as sincere.

"Okay," I mumble, looking down at my hands. And then something registers, something that Four said earlier. "I'm being relocated?" I ask, suddenly panicked. I look back up at him, and I do not realize I have been holding back tears until one slides down my face. I wipe it away, embarrassed, but too worried about where I am going to really care that much.

Drake nods, and his eyes are sympathetic. "Yes," he answers, "we're going to put you in your own apartment." He stops, as if to measure my reaction, but I am not sure how to react. I do not want to be treated differently, but the relief that floods through me is overwhelming. "Kind of unusual, we know…" He is struggling for the right words. "But, I mean, it's kind of unusual for an initiate to have a nasty history with a leader." His voice is quiet and low, as if trying not to remind me of what happened.

But I still flinch at the words, and my head feels heavy. "This apartment… Where is it?"

He gives me a crooked smile and stands up from the chair. "I'll show you tomorrow."

Tomorrow? I frown. I thought it was tomorrow.

He recognizes my confusion and quickly explains. "It's three in the morning."

This confuses me even more. I am so out of it. "Three?" I repeat, narrowing my eyes at him. They are getting so heavy, and I am so sore.

I hear him chuckle, and then I feel his hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me down. "Go back to sleep," he whispers. At least I think that is what he says, but by the time my head hits the pillow, I am already fast asleep.

* * *

My eyes flutter open to the sound of voices in the next room.

"I don't _want_ to stay here all day!" It is the voice of Tris, and she sounds a little whiney.

Then I hear Four's voice, and I can tell he is smiling. "You can't fight any initiates, _Beatrice_, but once that portion of training is over, I'll allow you to come back."

I tilt my head, confused. Why can't Tris—Beatrice?—fight?

She groans, but it turns into a giggle. "Stop!" she laughs, her voice giddy.

Then Four grunts, sounding frustrated, and I hear the sounds of them plopping down on a couch. "I just want to know what it is." His words come out in a sigh.

"Don't worry," Tris says quickly, her voice soft. "Whatever it is—I mean, he or she will be just perfect."

And then I understand why her hands have been on her belly so much. I do not know whether to be happy for them or to fear for their child. I lift myself up so I am sitting, and I immediately feel bad for stealing a pregnant woman's bed. I frown. I want to find my apartment now and leave them be. My body aches just as much as it did last night, and I wince when I try to get out of bed. I somehow manage to throw my legs off of the side of the bed and slowly lower myself onto the floor. My feet tingle and ache, but I am able to support myself. I let out a steady breath, trying to calm my increasing heart rate.

I look around the room, examining the decorations that adorn the walls. Most of it has writing, and I frown. I wish I knew what they said; maybe then I would be able to understand these people better. There is a picture of the two of them, and they are smiling. Under the big letters on the wall, there is a small frame hanging with text. I frown and try to make sense of the jumbled symbols. I recognize an 'A,' but that is all. Sighing, I move towards the door.

Suddenly, though, it opens and I stumble backwards, surprised.

It is Tris. She offers me a smile, but then her face looks worried. "How are you feeling? How long have you been up?"

I sit back on the bed, avoiding her gaze. I do not want her to realize that I know she is pregnant; she obviously does not want me to know. "Not very long," I say. My voice comes out in a whisper, and it is only then that I realize how hungry I am. And thirsty. So thirsty.

She must notice, because she quickly suggests that we go to the cafeteria and find something to eat. I thank her and follow behind her as we leave their apartment. I glance behind me to look at the door, to try to familiarize myself with it, but it looks exactly the same as all of the doors as we walk down the dark hallway. My eyes are still not used to not seeing the sun every day.

We get to the cafeteria, and I try to remind myself of where it is, so I will know for next time. It is completely empty except for Tris and me. It must be training time. She leads me to a large counter filled with food, and my heart jumps as I see it all. How can they have so much food? My mouth fills with saliva as I glance over the counter several times, trying to decide what to get. Part of me, however, cannot help but feel bitter and angry. In the factionless, we would miss meals often. It was not unusual to go three days without anything but a piece of bread or, if we were lucky, a cookie.

"Grab a plate," Tris says. Her voice is somewhat harsh, but there is also an element of care to it, almost like a mother would speak when comforting her child. I smile to myself, thankful that she is here with me today.

I find a plate that looks clean enough, and I begin to pick my way through all of the food. Fruit, vegetables, breads, meats, chocolate cake, cookies, and so many drinks. A yellow drink that smells sweet but bitter, a hot brown drink, a pink drink.

Maybe Dauntless isn't so bad.


	10. Friendship

Chapter Ten

I eat so much that I get sick. Thankfully, Tris is there to hold my hair back for me as I wretch. It is embarrassing, but at the moment, with my face in the toilet of her and Four's apartment, I do not care if she sees me like this. Finally, after a few minutes, it is over, and my body relaxes all at once and I struggle to keep myself from falling on the floor.

"Did Amity not feed you?" Tris asks. She sounds as though she feels awkward, but she softens the question with a laugh.

I would laugh, too, but I am afraid that if I open my mouth I will get sick again. I just grunt in response, shutting my eyes to avoid watching the room spin.

"Maybe next time you shouldn't eat so much," she says, and her motherly tone is back.

I laugh in my head and nod, the feeling of nausea finally going away. "Yeah, good idea," I murmur cautiously. "Hey, you should show me my apartment."

She pauses. "Drake told you?"

I nod, still facing the toilet just in case. "Yeah, but he didn't say where it was."

I feel her hands grip me under my arms, and she heaves me to my feet without much effort. She is short and small, but I am smaller. I do not take pride in the way I am, however, as it is a constant reminder of the constant hunger pains in my stomach and the weakness in my muscles. "Can you walk?" Tris asks, and I turn to face her, gripping the counter beside me to steady myself.

I hesitate, gauging my strength as I lift my hands from the counter. "Yeah," I finally decide. "Do you have any mints or something?" The taste in my mouth is disgustingly acidic.

She laughs. "Yeah, one sec." She goes to the mirror, and she glances at herself for a split second. Her eyes turn sad, and her face contorts into a look of worry. I frown to myself. What is wrong? Is she unhappy she's having a baby?

The words are almost out of my mouth when a knock on the door reminds me of my place. I am thinking of her as a friend. She is nothing to me, and I am nothing to her. _Do not get comfortable here,_ I remind myself.

Tris swiftly pulls a tin of mints out of the cabinet, hands them to me, and turns to the bathroom door. "Yeah?" She glances at me again, as if deciding whether or not to open the door to let whoever it is see me like this.

It is kind of her, but I am not sure how to take it. Surely I don't look that bad, right? To confirm this, I glance at the mirror, but I am surprised at who I see in it. The short, skinny girl looking back at me has bruises across her shoulders and arms, sweat has matted down her hair, and her eyes appear to be sunken in. Her ribs are sickly visible through the black tank top she wears, and her hair is not blonde but a gross, dirty color. Her cheeks are scarred and bloody, and her lips are cracked and red. There is a bruise on the side of her forehead and it appears swollen. My stomach aches at the image, and I quickly look away, tears in my eyes.

"Tris? Are you okay?" It is Four's voice through the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah; Em is here," she says the last part quietly to him as she opens the door.

Four glances at me, and his eyebrows raise, probably before he can help it, but then his face returns to its normal state. I look down at my feet in my socks, embarrassed.

"I was just going to show her where her apartment is," Tris explains. "She, uh, went a little crazy with the chocolate cake."

Four chuckles and nods, slipping his arm around her waist. "Okay. Well, hurry back," he says softly.

Tris leads me out of their apartment, down the hall not too far, and stops at a door that is unmarked. She pulls out a long key, sticks it in the doorknob, and I hear a click. She opens it and steps in with me.

It is a smaller room than theirs, but it is nice. It has a big bed with black sheets, and the walls are white. There are two blue lights illuminating the room. There is a bookshelf filled with only two books, and there is a door right beside it. I assume it is the bathroom. There is a dresser beside the bed and a couch on the wall closest to the door.

"Thank you," I say, breathless. Is this what it feels like to have your own room? I cannot help but smile despite the ache in my cheeks, and I go to sit on the bed.

Tris follows me, and it is only then that I realize she has been carrying an extra set of clothes. She sets them beside me on the bed and smiles at me. "You look about my size," she explains. "And I assumed you wouldn't want to go shopping for a while. Your shower is in there-" she gestures towards the door "-and towels are already in there. I'm sure a hot shower would feel good, so why don't you take one? Four and I will be in our apartment if you need us, okay? Don't hesitate to come see us."

"What about Drake?" I blurt out the words and immediately regret them.

Tris gives me a funny look and a smirk appears on her lips. "He'll be in his apartment," she says matter-of-factly. "I'll show you where that is later, when you get yourself all cleaned up and pretty."

My face burns and I look away from her smirk. "No, it's not like… that…" I struggle to find words, but she only sets a hand on my shoulder.

"Emmie, it's okay," she says, her voice comforting. "I'm just kidding. Just relax, okay?"

I nod and give her a small smile. "Thank you," I say.

She smiles back at me before tossing the key on my bed and leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I let out a big sigh and lean back until I fall onto the bed. The sheets are new and firm and they smell as if they have just been washed. After a while of staring at the ceiling, I decide to get up. I take the clothes and bring them into the bathroom with me. It is small and cramped, but it is better than anything I have ever had the privilege of having. I set the clothes on the counter, purposely avoiding looking in the mirror, and soon I am in the shower. At first, the water stings and irritates my scars, but after getting used to it, it is a welcome relief.

I do not know how long I stay in the shower, but by the time I get out, the water runs cold and my fingers are pruney. It feels good to be clean—this is probably the cleanest I have ever been—and I quickly put on the clothes Tris gave me. They are a little too big for me, but it is comforting to not have such clingy clothes as I did before. There is a hamper beside the toilet, and I lift the lid and throw my old clothes in it. I walk back out to the main room and sit quietly on the bed, unsure of what to do now.

I want to go to the training room and practice, but I know my body is not up for that yet. It is still bruised and scarred. And sore—so sore. I let out a deep breath as realization sets in: I am finally alone, and I am finally safe for the time being. I do not have to worry about Selena or Aaron or anyone else that posed a threat. I can sit here, on my own bed, and relax, just like Tris said. I shut my eyes and curl up on my side, finally able to process all of the things that have happened these few days. Days? Is that all this has been? It feels like weeks, if not months. As I am thinking of the events, my brain keeps getting stuck on one face. And that is the face I picture as I drift to sleep:

Drake.


	11. Fears

Chapter Eleven

My eyes flutter awake to the sound of knocking on my door. "Time for training, initiate!" I do not recognize the voice, and that scares me. I push myself off the bed, and I can tell that I slept hard and long; my skin is hot and my mouth is dry; my muscles feel sluggish. I wince as my feet hit the door, but soon I am too focused on what lies ahead.

I rush to the door and open it. Whoever knocked on my door is not here now, so I grab my key and lock up before going to the training room. I put my hair up in a messy bun and rush down the hall, into the Pit, and hesitate when I realize I do not remember where the training room is. I glance down each corridor, starting to panic as I tap my foot on the ground.

A strong, warm hand is placed on my back, and I whirl around to see who it is, my eyes wide and my heart pounding.

It is Drake, and he gives me his smirk. "You need some help?" he chuckles.

My face turns red and hot, but I nod. "Yeah, I, uh, kinda forgot," I murmur.

He grins at me and leads me down the hallway. "It does say up there, you know." He nods his chin up towards the top of the hallway. "Didn't you see it?" he asks.

I purse my lips, ashamed. I do not know if I want to tell him that I never learned to read. I shake my head, more to myself than to him, and he chuckles.

"Well, next time that might help." He smiles at me as we walk, and I nod, still embarrassed.

We pass the training room, and I am confused. "What's going on?" I ask, nervous.

He glances at me and sets his hand back on my back. His face turns cold, almost nervous looking, as he explains. "Well, we're done with the physical part of initiation. The lists went up-" he glances at me "-but don't worry, we smudged the numbers a bit for you. You did show improvement and motivation, which that's pretty brave after what happened… So we just stuck you somewhere in the middle. Not too high to be noticed, but not too low to be noticed." He slows down until we are stopped in the dark hallway. "Em, now it's up to you." His voice is quiet and rushed, and I do not know what is going on. "I'll still help you as much as I can, but this next part isn't really something I can help with. It's all you. You have to overcome this."

I blink my eyes, quickly, as if it will help me understand. "Drake, slow down. I don't know what you're even talking about!" My voice rises, and I am scared. "What do you even mean?"

He frowns at me, as if I should know what he is talking about. "Em, the physical part is done. Now it's more mental stuff—"

"So? What, I have to solve puzzles or whatever? Why is that such a big deal?" I interrupt, glaring at him. And then I think I get it. "Look, just because I'm from the factionless doesn't mean I'm not smart," I hiss. I am angry now. I am not stupid! "I don't need your stupid help," I snap.

His mouth turns into a hard line. He rolls his eyes but nods before leading me to the room where everyone is gathered. In the center of the room is a metal chair with screens and wires going every which way from it. Drake walks away from me to stand with Four and a new man I have not seen. I sheepishly go into the crowd of initiates, thankful for my small figure, as no one really seems to notice me here.

Four launches in to an explanation, and when he describes what is about to happen, I realize what Drake meant by mental. I feel a wave of guilt rush over me and I glance at Drake, but he does not look at me. I want to tell him I'm sorry.

"…You will face your fears in this simulation," Four continues, walking with his hands behind his back. "You won't realize you are in a simulation, and it will all feel real. Focus on calming down and lowering your heart rate. Only then will you get out of the simulation." He glances across the crowd, but his eyes land on me as he says the words: "Above all, don't panic."

Initiates are sent out into the hallway, and one by one, each one goes in the room. Some are out quickly and some take a long time, but they all leave with a look of terror and distress on their faces. I do not know how long I am sitting there before it is my turn, but the stiffness I feel in my back is a clue that it has been a long time, at least an hour or two.

I push myself up off of the floor, trying to ignore the fact that I am last. I did not want to leave the room and have all eyes on me, judging me by my fright. I enter the room, and only Four is there. He nods his head at me in greeting, and I manage a small smile. I feel like I will get sick again. Would he be as kind as his wife to hold my hair back?

"Where's Drake?" I ask quietly, my heart hurting. I did not mean to snap at him.

Four's voice is stern in this setting, and I do not like it. "He's not a tech. He can't administer the tests."

I nod, feeling as though I should not ask any more questions. I go to sit on the big, cold, hard chair. I study the wires and screens above me. I have never seen anything like this before.

"Those measure your brain activity and heart rate," he explains, not looking at me. He is focused on a liquid he has in a needled device. "Look up for me."

I do as he says, and a sharp but dull pain stings my neck and soon travels throughout my body, my fingers and toes tingling. I look around, panicked. He presses wires into my head and chest, and a steady beeping begins. It soon gets faster and faster as I look around, confused and scared. My body begins to feel heavy, and I lean back into the chair.

* * *

I wake up, and I am not in the chair. My body aches, and I look around. I am back in the factionless, and a sense of relief floods over me. I get up from the ground and I smile as I feel the heat from the sun warm my face. Suddenly, a figure appears in front of me, and he is in a black cloak. I cannot see his face, but something about him is menacing.

He pulls down his hood, and he is not a he after all. It is Evelynn, and she gives me a sweet smile. "Hello, sweetie," she says in a kind voice. I smile at her, and I begin to run to her, but I cannot move my feet. She waggles a finger at me, laughing in an angelic way. "Find Tobias first," she chirps, "and then you can come back, okay?"

I frown at her and stop trying to get to her. "I just want a hug," I murmur, embarrassed.

Her laugh breaks me, and I crumple to my knees. "My dear Emily, you really think you deserve a hug?"

I begin to cry. "N-no," I gasp. She is right; I do not deserve one. I have done nothing to deserve a hug from her. And unless I find Tobias, I never will.

She laughs again, but it sounds garbled. "You're right," she hisses, and suddenly her hands are at my throat. She picks me up, and I try to scream, but tape is over my mouth. I breathe frantically through my nose, shaking. Why is she doing this? She begins to speak again, and her voice is beautiful, like a bell. "You have never deserved anything from me! All you are is a burden to me!" She strikes my face, and then she throws me to the ground.

Arms grow up from the ground around me, and they grab at me, squeezing so tightly that I feel as though I am suffocating. "But you deserved everything from Aaron!" She is screaming at me, and I want to scream back, to tell her that no, she is wrong! But I know in my heart that she is right.

And then, the skin on her face begins to slough off in a disgusting way. It splats to the ground and begins to eat away at the dirt. The face that replaces her grows slowly: an eye appears first, then a nose, then the mouth. And soon, it is obvious that it is Aaron.

I try as hard as I can to scream, to get away from the arms that are holding me down, and they soon start scratching at me, and I feel the warm blood run across my body. Aaron says nothing; he just watches me with a sick and twisted smile, never blinking.

Snakes begin to slither around me, across my hands, my chest, my neck, my face. Everywhere. The tape gets tighter, and soon it is across my eyes and my nose. I can't see, I can't breathe. I am going to die like this, with Aaron watching.

I do not know how long I try to fight it. I gasp for breath, but each empty breath is agony in my lungs. They scream for air and my eyes scream for sight; why is he doing this to me?! Suddenly I am being crushed by something, and words are being whispered in my ear. "I love you; just come with me and you'll be safe; it will be just us, and we'll be safe; I love you; come with me; I love you, I love you, I love you." The words begin as whispers but soon become screams from all around me, and I am struck in the stomach by something sharp. I hear the cries of a baby start to mix with the screams, and I feel the blood run down my stomach.

Finally, I allow my body to go limp. I focus on trying to stay still; maybe if I seem dead, the arms will not crush me; the hands will not grab me. Words begin to echo in my head, and soon they drown out the screams and cries around me: "Above all, don't panic." Don't. Panic. I do not know how, but I will my heart to slow—maybe it is the loss of blood—and my mind to become clear. I drown out the cries and screams by humming to myself as loudly as I can. I imagine that these arms gripping me are Evelyn's and my family's, and that I cannot see because I am blindfolded for a surprise party they are throwing me.

I try once again to breathe in, and instead of the tape keeping the air everywhere but my lungs, I receive so much air that I begin to cough and wretch. My arms go to my chest and I hug myself tightly, trying to ease the coughing. My face is soaked with tears, but I am okay with that. The arms are gone, and I can see again. I am in my room in Dauntless. Did Four bring me here after training? I do not know, but I do not care. A knock on the door startles me from my thoughts, and I manage to stop coughing long enough to say "come in."

Drake walks in, and his face is kind. "Hey, Em. How are you feeling?"

I nod. "I'm okay," I whisper.

He comes to sit beside me on the bed, and I move away so he has enough room. But he wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my hair. My eyes widen and my heart begins to beat more quickly. What is he doing?

"Drake," I murmur into his chest.

"_Don't_ call me that," he snaps.

I try to pull away from him, to see why I upset him, but he does not let me. His grip tightens, and I begin to panic. "Drake—ow!" I push at his chest, trying to get away from him. Why is he doing this?! He knows this scares me!

"I told you—" his hands begin to crush my arms "_do not_ call me that!"

I begin to cry. I am so confused, and his hands on my arms hurt so badly. "I'm sorry," I whisper, shutting my eyes.

Suddenly, he lets me go, and I look at him. He gets up off of the bed, and I stare at him, scared. "What's going on?" I ask, my voice hoarse. I taste the saltiness of my tears.

And when he speaks, it is not Drake's voice, but it is Aaron's. "You know what's going on," he says with a wicked smirk.

No; this is not Drake; this cannot be Drake. I jump off the bed and try to run away from him, to the door, but his strong arms catch me and he picks me up. He throws me back on the bed, and then he attacks me. He begins to pull at my hair, and he throws me across the room against the wall.

Everything happens so quickly then—he lifts me back up and grabs my waist. He shoves me against the wall and he kisses me, and I immediately taste blood on his lips. I gasp, trying to turn my head away from him as he punches my stomach. His other hand is wrapped in my hair, and he is pushing my face into his.

He hits my forehead with his, and I hear a sickening crack. Suddenly the world goes dark, and I am surrounded by voices.

"Why the hell did you let her heart rate get that high, Tobias?!" Tris.

"She's not waking up! Four, why isn't she waking up?! What's going on?! You said she would wake up!" Drake.

"I don't know! This hasn't happened before!" Four….Tobias.


	12. Failure

Chapter Twelve

"Wake her UP, Four!"

"I'm trying!"

"What's going on?! Is she Divergent? This isn't Divergence!"

"Tris, be quiet! I'm trying to wake her up! Nothing's working!"

I can hear everything around me; I know their voices, but I cannot move. I hear the beeping—it is so fast that it sounds like one long beep—and I hear other noises, and I feel a stab in my neck before I am finally able to regain control of myself, and I open my eyes.

Tris.

Drake.

And Tobias.

My eyes rest on Tobias for only a second, before they go back to Drake and images of what he did to me come flooding back. I have straps across my wrists and my ankles, holding me to the table, just like the arms in the ground. The beeping gets faster, and I struggle against the straps so hard that they begin to cut into my skin. I cry out in pain and panic, and Drake sets his hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me down.

But I cannot trust him after that. It was a simulation, sure, but he still did it, and I cannot trust him I cannot trust him I cannot trust him. "Don't touch me!" I scream, my voice weaker than expected.

He quickly stops touching me and holds his hands in the air, showing me that he is obeying. "Get me out of this chair," I hiss at Tris.

They all move to unshackle me, and as soon as I am free, I start running. I run out of the room with the chair, down the hall, into the Pit, and down the hall that I walked in when I first came here. I see the net where I fell, and I jump onto it, my feet falling into the holes. I struggle to get up, and I look up at the light. There is light! I have to see the light; I have to go back. I cannot stay here; not with Drake. I claw at the dirt, trying to get up. It is not working, why is this not working?! I glance all around me, looking for some type of help. And then I see it: a ladder. My ticket out of hell.

I jump off of the net and rush to the ladder. I struggle to pick it up, but I do, thanks to the adrenaline in my veins.

"Emily! Wait!"

"Em!"

"Emmie!"

They are following me, and they are right behind me in the hall. I gasp and set the ladder on the dirt walls. I start to climb, to climb as far as I can. It is only halfway up the pit, but I turn around on the top step and wonder if I can jump up to the top.

I do not stop to think of the consequences, and I jump. My hands grip the top of the pit as my body collides with the wall. It hits my nose, and blood begins to drip out of it, onto the ground below, back in hell.

I glance down, and I am suddenly filled with fear. My arms are too weak to pull myself up. I see the three of them down there—they are so far down there—and their faces are filled with concern.

"Emmie, it wasn't real." Drake's voice is faint, but I hear it loud and clear. His voice no longer comforts me. Instead it fills me with fear now. "Please…. Please come down."

I look down at him, still hanging onto the top of the pit by my fingernails. With a groan, I pull myself up and grasp at the dirt. I pull myself up, out of the pit, and I am free. I begin to run, to run as fast as I can, and I know where I am going. I am going back where I belong, back with Evelyn and the factionless. I hear their shouts behind me, and it only energizes me more. I run faster and harder each time I hear them and their evil voices.

How did I ever trust them? Those people… They are evil, just like the rest of the factions. I should have known better.

I run and run and run. I do not bother to get on the train. Instead I run beside the tracks, knowing where to go. I need to run. I need to get this energy out of my body; this fear out of my bloodstream. It is like a virus, like an infection. I need to purge myself of it, I need to do anything to possible to get it out of me.

I am hot, sweaty, and panting when I see the first signs of the factionless. Trash is on the ground and broken down buildings are around me. But then I see her: Evelyn.

I give my last bit of energy in a final sprint, before I collapse to my knees in front of her and she scoops me up in a hug without a word.

Right here… In Evelyn's arms, this must be where I belong. She is not my mother, but she is the closest thing to it. And I have heard that mothers are the only people in the world who can comfort you during your worst times of life. And I am finding that is true as I cry into her shoulder and she rubs my back.

"Shhh…"

I open my eyes and look up at her, tears stinging my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I whisper, broken.

She gives me a small smile, but it is strained, and I know she is angry. And I know why: I failed.

"John, dear… Take her away from me."


	13. Revenge

Chapter Thirteen: Drake's POV

It has been two weeks since Emily ran away, and the days have been long and boring without her. I'm not excited anymore to get up and start the day. It's back to just being obnoxious, and I'm sick of Tris and Four.

Initiation is over until next year, and people have begun their new jobs. Selena has been on my nerves. Tris has been trying to get my mind off of Emmie by bringing Selena up during every conversation we have, and I am sick of it.

I stand in the Pit, overlooking the chasm, watching the water splash and hearing it roar. My mind continuously flashes back to holding her, to seeing her face. I frown as I think of the last time I saw her as she was climbing up the hole. She seemed so weak, but so strong at the same time.

I hear footsteps coming from behind me, and I exhale loudly to show my annoyance. I don't wanna be bothered right now.

"Drake, buddy, come on."

It's Four. I spin around, glaring at him. "No thanks," I growl.

He raises an eyebrow at me, his face turning cold. "Dude, she's gone."

I laugh bitterly. "Yeah, I saw that."

"You shouldn't have been talking to her anyway." He notices my breathing hitch and quickly amends, "it is a shame that she's factionless, though." He says it quietly, as if trying to apologize.

And then something hits me. "Wait, is Aaron still here?"

I don't know how I never thought of it and why it never occurred to me that he would be around her now. I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind, but it didn't. I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to think of it. I begin to feel my hands tremble, and I don't know if it's from fear or anger.

He narrows his eyes at me, looking confused. "I'm not sure," he finally says. But he is lying.

"Dammit Four, just tell me!"

Now he glares back at me. "It doesn't matter. Don't even worry about it." His words are quick and harsh.

I step closer to him. "Tell. Me."

"No."

Before I can control it, my fist collides into his jaw. I blink a few times, angry—maybe at myself, but probably at Four. Maybe at Emmie, too. I straighten up, watching him rub his jaw and looking up at me with rage in his eyes. "Just get back to Tris and the kid," I mutter.

He says nothing, still rubbing his jaw, and walks away from me, back towards the apartments. I glare after him, my heart pounding fast with my anger. He is such a hypocrite. He met Tris this way, and he should not look down on me for meeting someone the same way.

I look back to the chasm, and I soon decide what I am going to do. I turn to the hallway and move quickly. I pass a few apartment doors, and I reach mine. I open the door, ignoring the mess, and go to the steel footlocker under my bed. I pull it out quickly and grab my gun.

* * *

Now it is a waiting game. Four and Tris normally go to bed around midnight, so I just have to wait until then. And then I can go and find her. Find him.

We all sit around a table in the cafeteria, and I know they're talking to me, but I really don't care about what they're saying. I don't listen, and I glance around the room impatiently. I want to leave now.

"Drake."

I ignore her.

"Drake," Tris repeats my name, and I turn to her.

"What?" I growl.

"I was saying I don't really appreciate how you hit my husband…" Her jaw sets and her eyebrows raise at me, waiting for a reply. Four is a hot topic with Tris, and she is very protective of him. I know enough about that.

I sneer. "Sorry."

She begins to stand up, probably to start a fight, but Four places a hand on her shoulder without looking at me. He hasn't looked at me all day, but whatever. He'll get over it.

"It's fine, dear," he murmurs.

"Phht," I snort. What a baby. I cross my arms like a kid and glare at him. "You know, I'm getting tired of your crap, Four."

He looks at me then, his face surprised but angry. "Oh?"

I nod. "Yeah. Pretty sick of it."

He laughs mockingly. "You knew her for _four_ days."

"It doesn't matter!" I grunt. "Did you not _see_ her?" I glare at him, wanting to burn his stupid face with my eyes.

Four glances at Tris and then mutters, "she wasn't that great."

I roll my eyes. That's not what I meant. How could they not see she was not normal? That she was hurt and starving and weak… My eyes sting. I wanted—I still want—to protect her, to get her better. And Four thinks I'm talking about her looks? Anger flares through me. "You know what, you can—"

"Stop! Both of you. Stop." Tris looks tired, bags under her eyes.

Four pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes tightly, his breathing slowing. I stare at him, shaking my head. What a joke. We resume our meal in silence, aside from the occasional murmur between Four and Tris. When we are finally done, they say something to me about going to bed and seeing me in the morning, and they are soon gone.

Now is my chance.


	14. Promises

Chapter Fourteen: Drake's POV

I make a break for it. I run as fast as I can to the exit, and soon the fresh air hits my face and the moonlight lights my path. I'm not sure where I'm going. I never really went near the factionless when I was Candor. This is the first time that I've had a reason to go there. A good reason.

I run towards the train—I think it should come in about four minutes—and I feel the adrenaline start to heat up my blood and quicken my pace. Sweat begins to build at my neck from the excitement, and my mouth feels dry. I hope she is okay.

I pick up my pace even more when I hear the rumbling of the train against the tracks. I start to pant, but I don't stop to catch my breath. I push myself even more and reach the train. I run alongside it for a moment and then throw myself up into it, catching the side rails with my hands. I wince. I haven't done this in a while. I'm outta practice.

I sit down on the edge, dangling my legs over the side as I watch the darkness pass by. Buildings and trees blur by in shadows, and it gives me an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I blow at the hair in my eyes a few times, trying to keep my mind away from what could have happened to Emmie.

Finally, I think I know where to get off, so I jump and roll off. I see a few lights in the distance. I think they're fires, so I'll start at the one closest to me. My stomach twists as I walk through the streets and see the rundown houses and grimy people. No one deserves this, right? I frown. No, Aaron does. But Emily… Emily does not.

My pace quickens as I near the first fire, and I stop just far enough so no one notices me. I scan the area for her, searching for her blond hair and small frame. Not here.

I groan to myself and turn, searching for another fire. I see a faint glimmer in the distance and start walking towards it. I curl my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms as I draw closer to it.

And then I see her. She is the closest one to the fire. She is shivering and picking at the dirt on the ground, her skinny arms looking even skinnier than they were before. My stomach sinks. She is still wearing Dauntless black, and her hair is messy and stringy, hiding her face from me.

Someone sits beside her and wraps their arms around her, and I feel the horror run through me. My stomach turns and my breathing quickens.

It is Aaron. I want to throw up. He is running his fingers through her hair, but she is despondent as she continues to pick at the ground. He leans in and mutters something in her ear. Her hand stops for a second, but then she goes back to playing with the dirt.

Why did I let her run away? My hand grasps the handle of my gun, and every part of me wants to aim it at his head. But not here, and not now. And not in front of her. I let out a shaky breath, furious, and lean against the brick wall in the alleyway. I guess this is another waiting game, another test of my patience. I will be here for a while, I'm guessing, since it looks like a whole town is gathered around the fire.

I tear my eyes away from Aaron and Emily and glance across the crowd. Pangs of guilt hit me every time I see a child, a pregnant woman, an elder. They all look so sickly, and they are all sharing food from a can. What even is that? Peaches? Ugh. I frown, thinking of the loads of chocolate cake back at the headquarters. They look like they'd give anything for even a taste of it.

Slowly, people begin to leave the fire to lay down a little ways away. Families curl up together like dogs. Some elders lay down by themselves and shiver in their sleep. Children wake up several times crying about their hunger. Everything that happens makes me want to shoot myself in the foot and apologize a million times to each and every one of them.

Finally, Aaron leaves Emily's side and goes out of sight. Now is my chance. I jump out from behind the shadows and run to her, scraping my knees through my jeans as I slide onto the ground beside her.

She jumps, and for a second there is a spark of life in her eyes as she looks at me, but it is replaced by fear, and then it is back to looking dead.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I grab her hands and pull her up as I stand. I wince as I feel how boney her hands are. I make a break for it with her in tow, but she keeps stumbling. In a swift movement, I scoop her up into my arms and run. I am in the shadows when I hear murmured voices. I don't know how to get out of here. Everywhere I look, there is another glimmer of light from another fire. I turn the corner and it is a dead end, but it is dark and looks relatively safe to set her down.

I try to set her down carefully, but I am so tense that it is closer to dropping her. She oofs and looks up at me, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly. I get down on my knees beside her, and I just want to hold her and shield her, but her expression reminds me why that is not a possibility. She looks so scared and her lip is quivering. The words start flooding out of my mouth like a dam breaking after twenty years of being blocked up. "You don't have to finish initiation Emmie, it doesn't even matter. I'll just pull some strings and cash in on a few hundred favors and it'll be okay, I promise. Just come back to Dauntless, okay? Come back and you can be back in your own room. You can eat all you want and be covered with blankets, Em, and everything will work out. And us! Emmie we can be together, and I can teach you things. I can show you so much stuff! We can even go to the other factions if you don't want to stay in Dauntless. We can find the one you want and stay there, Em! Just come back with me; let me get you out of here!"

I realize that I am shouting at her and I stop. Her eyes are frenzied and she looks crazed. I don't know if it's from hunger or fear or what. She doesn't answer me; she just keeps staring at me with crazy eyes.

I am torn away from her gaze by the footsteps behind me. I spin around.

And.

I.

Shoot.


	15. Fleeing the Scene

Chapter Fifteen

The sound of the gunshot snaps me out of my thoughts, and I cannot help but scream at the sight before me. Drake is holding the gun, his outstretched arm shaking and his eyes wide with horror. And Aaron, his lifeless body with a pool of blood growing around his head.

I gag at the sight and begin to wretch. Something deep within my soul is so disturbed by this sight. There is nothing inside of me for my stomach to get rid of, so I am just on my knees, staring at the ground underneath me as I catch myself with my hands.

"We have to go. Now." Drake slips his arms back around me and picks up my shaking frame and begins to run. I don't realize I am crying until I taste salt, and then I try to calm down by breathing deeply and focusing on what Drake said to me. Why does he want to find a new faction with me? I don't understand.

Images of Aaron keep flashing in my mind, and I gasp whenever I see them. There is a part of me, a sick, twisted part of me, that is pleased in what has happened. But then there is a part of me that feels tremendous guilt and sadness having experienced a life just being taken. I begin to cry again, but this cry is more like my soul groaning. Every part of me wants to take the easy way out and just be done. Lying down on the train tracks and waking up in Paradise is appealing right now. But I know that is not right, and I know that I should not end my life that way.

"Grab the rails." Drake's voice wakes me up, and I do as he says. But my arms shake and my hands slip. I am too weak to do this. He runs alongside the train and pushes me up. I plop onto the cold floor and roll onto my back, my body aching. I feel the wounds on my stomach open back up and warm blood run across my belly and saturating my shirt.

Drake jumps up next to me, and for a moment I am distracted by how skilled he is at it. He looks at me, and I realize that his eyes are wet with tears. My heart sinks for him, and I look away quickly. I cannot imagine how it would feel to take a life.

We sit in silence for a long time, and I try to distract myself by listening to the trains rumble against the tracks. Every once in a while I see his shoulders shake and hear him sniff. And every so often a sob bubbles out of my mouth.

The train passes Dauntless headquarters, and I am confused. Where are we going? I work up the courage to ask him, and he just shrugs at me.

"What did you mean," I whisper, "when you said we would find a new faction?"

He looks at me then, his face filled with emotions. He manages a crooked smirk and my heart pounds at it. "You didn't seem to enjoy Dauntless very much," he murmurs.

I study his face, feeling the tears flood out of my eyes again. I do not know how to respond. I feel like I am imploding. Everything inside of me is screaming and crying, and my heart feels as if it is going to stop beating at any moment.

"What happened?" Drake asks, his eyes frightened as he looks at my bloody shirt.

I look down at it and touch the wet fabric, my head spinning. "He…um…"

That seems to be enough of an explanation, because Drake pulls of his sweatshirt and tears it into a long, black strip. He moves to me, lifts the hem of my shirt, and presses the material into the cuts. I wince, but it does feel more secure.

I do not want to be close to him—do I?—but I have been up for days and I feel so weak. I fight the urge to close my eyes, thinking of anything possible to keep me awake. But, after a while, I do not even care anymore, and I give in. I collapse into his side, my eyes unable to stay open. He wraps his other arm around me, keeping one hand pressed against my stomach, and buries his face into my hair. I feel the warm tears begin to fall onto my head, and I do not know what to do to help.

Slowly, I feel his muscles start to relax, and his arms tighten around me. I am too tired to move, but part of me wants to get away. And part of me does not. His breathing is shaky and his heartbeat is too fast, like it is working way harder than it should.

The train's rumbling soon lulls me to sleep with the sound of his heartbeat in my ears.

* * *

I wake up when Drake moves to stand up. He pulls me up with him gently, looking outside with a wary expression. "We have to get off here, Em," he whispers. "We're getting too far away. I won't know how to get back if we go any further."

My eyes are still heavy with sleep and it feels like my body is being crushed, but I nod and look up at him with squinted eyes.

"On three, okay?"

He takes my hand, and it sends shivers of ice through my spine.

"One…"

My heart pounds, and I wish he could just pick me up and jump with me in his arms.

"Two…"

But I am expected to jump, too, and not to kill myself on the way down. My legs shake.

"Three!"

He runs, pulling me with him, and we jump. It feels like it lasts longer than it should, and then my body collides with the ground, knocking the air out of my lungs and shooting pain through my legs. I lay on the cold ground for a while, staring at the sideways world as I lay on my left side. I don't know where we are, but it is much more forested than anywhere I have seen before. There is a giant wheel that is not spinning, and it looks rusted and old.

Drake sits down beside me and pulls me up to sit against his chest. He immediately begins to press against my wounds again. "This is where Dauntless initiates play capture the flag," he explains quietly. "At least they used to." He shrugs. "Some years they do, some years they don't. It really just depends on who's running things. This year, Leon didn't allow it."

"Leon is in charge?" I ask in a whisper.

"Kind of. He's one of the leaders, so he has a lot more say than Four or me."

"Oh." I shut my eyes again, trying to push all of the images from the last two weeks out my mind, especially the image from tonight. My stomach twists at the thought and I let out a small groan, trying to stifle a cry.

Drake moves his hand to run his fingers through my hair, and I am surprised when it helps calm me down. Everything aches, and his fingers in my hair feel as if they're massaging the pain away. I sigh, my eyes stinging as I fall back asleep.


End file.
